The OOC Syndrome
by Carly86
Summary: After visiting a strange alien planet, the Doctor and Jack began to act very strangely. Now, it's up to Rose to get them back to normal... Nine/Rose
1. Chapter 1

Since I neglected Nine badly in my fics, finally one with our favourite trio ;)  
Rating because the mentioning of sex, extensive flirting, touching and hinted smutty goodness... won't be anything explicit though. Maybe in a possible sequel... Depends on my muse.

Have fun!

* * *

The Doctor had his right hand on the small of her back, while the other one lay on the wall beside her head to keep her into place. He leaned his head down to her ear and whispered promises of what he wanted to do to her at this very moment. His surprisingly hot breath tickled her ear and made her shiver.

Rose tried desperately to keep her thoughts on the task at hand and not to get lost in the depths of his voice, not to give in to the sensations his fingers unleashed in her just by touching her through the thin clothes, still covering her body.

She groaned when he began to kiss down her neck and cursed this whole damn situation, the Doctor brought upon them. There she was, living the fantasies, she had for a whole of six months and she wasn't allowed to give in. Damn those stupid morals of hers...

The Doctor nibbed on her sensitive skin and Rose's eyes roll back into her head. How the hell did she get into a situation like this?

Well, it all began three days ago when...

* * *

Rose, the Doctor and Jack stood in the console room, trying to decide where to go next.

"How about going shopping? A nice big alien city full of boutiques, shoe shops and-" Rose noticed the incredulous looks, both men gave her. Her face darkened and she muttered something under her breath that sounded a lot like 'men!'.

"What do you think about visiting the ruins of Kashmepur? They have been discovered in the 42ndcentury... or we could go to the real thing in the 31stcentury..." The Doctor said, beaming at his companions.

Rose sighed and lay a hand on his shoulder. "We already told you what we think about civilisations worshipping bananas..."

He frowned at her. "How in Rassilon's name do you know about the Kashmepurians?"

"Oh, I gave her some history lessons." Something in Jack's grin told the Doctor that he _didn't _only teach her about banana worshippers...

"So, where to then? Wouldn't mind a bit of running... Our life had been way too peaceful for the last few days," Rose mentioned while leaning against the console.

"Well, we could always go to-"

"No, Jack!" the Doctor and Rose said in unison.

Jack feigned an hurtful look. "You could at least hear me out and..."

"Don't need to. Every destination you have chosen until now, led to us to either be naked, affected by strange alien aphrodisiacs or nearly get sold as slaves... Not to mention, the countless 'shag or die' situations, I had to talk us out of." The Doctor folded his arms and glared at him.

"Well, you could have asked before doing that... Neither Rose nor I would have minded the alternative way..."

The Doctor looked at Rose with an arched eyebrow and she blushed furiously under his gaze but otherwise kept quiet. Sensing the need to change the topic, he began to jump around the TARDIS' console. "Suppose, we go for 'random' then."

The ship suddenly jerked, sending Rose into Jack's waiting arms and began her jumpy journey through the vortex.

Jack's hand 'accidentally' brushed against her bum, making her jump and glare at him, while he grinned cheekily back. Rose's glare only lasted a few seconds under these circumstances. You could never stay mad at Jack Harkness for long... it was just impossible.

The TARDIS shuddered one last time and stilled, announcing their arrival to their destination... wherever that may be.

The Doctor looked at the TARDIS' screen. "Hm, planet seems to be uninhabited... well, at least from lifeforms which are more intelligent than insects and small mammals... Climate is identified as tropical and the date... Ah, 37thcentury. Two galaxies away from Raxacoricofallapatorius... Maybe we should take some vinegar with us just in ca-" When he looked up, he finally noticed that his companions were already gone to get changed.

Go figures... already wandered off before the adventure even started.

* * *

Two hours later, the three of them rushed back into the TARDIS. "Damn! Mammals my ass, this whole damn planet seems to be ruled by midgets..." Scowling, she looked at her with alien mosquito bites covered arms.

The Doctor and Jack didn't look any better. Their bites took in contrary to Rose's normal reddish looking ones, an angry purple colour.

Rose frowned. That wasn't dangerous, was it? "Oi, you two! You have been awfully quiet on the way back... Everything alright?"

It all happened in mere seconds. The Doctor suddenly tore his clothes off and pulled her into his arms for an earth shattering kiss. Through her dazed state of mind, she thought she could hear Jack shriek for a second, but then she lost herself into the kiss when the Doctor's tongue invaded her mouth and her hands touched the cold skin of his back.

When he pulled away, Rose needed some time to return her breathing to normal and cursed his respiratory bypass system. "Not that I'm complaining, but... what was _that _for?"

"Rose," he breathed her name like she was the only thing that kept him alive. "I want you. Let's make a ton of kids."

She blinked at him. Whatever she expected... _that _wasn't it. "Pardon?"

Suddenly, Jack stepped up between them and pulled a blanket around the Doctor's naked body. A glowing blush grazed his cheeks and he obviously avoided the Doctor's eyes. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Doctor! Displaying your body like a... like a... " He whispered the next word like it was a sin to even speak it out loud. "..._prostitute_."

Rose stared at him, while he gave the Doctor a lecture about the sinfulness of sex and nudity. While talking, he avoided every word that reminded him even barely of sexuality and referred to the countless religions which considered sexual intercourse before marriage, the mother of all sins.

Rose nearly choked when Jack called her a 'pure untouched young maiden' and scolded the Doctor for trying to taint her innocence.

When he asked the Doctor, whether they should become eunuchs to keep their bodies pure of all sins or not, only one question remained in her mind:

What the hell was happening?

* * *

Review and you will receive my never-ending gratefulness ;)


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor cooked... Well, that wouldn't be strange for anyone else but... the Doctor... Heck, he even thought eating was too domestic at times, but here he was: standing in front of the stove... wearing an apron. Her apron. Her very pink 'kiss-the-cook'-apron. Something was definitely wrong here... didn't keep her from making pictures for future blackmailing purpose, though.

"Oh, Rose. Didn't see you there... Making pictures for our family album, aren't you?" Oh, God! He even posed... V-signed.

"Doctor, are you sure you are alright? You are behaving rather... uncharacteristically." She nearly said 'stupid' but thought better of it. Who knew what a blow to his ego would do to him right now.

"Uncharacteristic? Me? Naaah, I just saw the light, Rose! I've been travelling far too long... Wanna buy a house? Of course, we have to marry first..."

Rose stared at him. "Ehm, did I miss several steps in our relationship?"

The Doctor beamed at her and... did he just start to make dough for a cake? "'Course not! But we waited long enough and I want to settle down as soon as possible! All of this running is rather tiring... Hm, maybe I should sell the TARDIS..."

A spark from the toaster told him what his ship thought about that idea. "Ouch! No need to be so grumpy... I guess, we can find a spot for you in our future garden... Oh! And your mother should move in with us! That would be just lovely!"

Rose tried to hit him with a pan but Jack entered the kitchen and hold her back. "Rose, violence is never a solution. We should talk it out... Harmony is important on a ship."

She groaned, threw her hands up in the air and left the kitchen.

Jack looked after her and shook his head. "She is so _strange,_ sometimes..."

* * *

Rose went to the infirmary and searched the computer for insect bites which either turned you into an overly domestic (and stupid) person or something like a prudish preacher. Naturally, she found... _none_. The symptoms were too different from each other... Maybe, if she separated the humans and Time Lords symptoms?

Nope, that wasn't it either.

Not even the TARDIS could help her, since she had never been on this planet before.

Rose got suddenly an idea and searched for insect bites, which only effected males... She was still normal after all, wasn't she?

Oh, only two hundred thousand search results instead of two millions... _great!_

The search for purple bites didn't help either. Turned out that nearly every insect bite in the whole universe turned purple when it effected someone's behaviour...

Rose sighed. She had to find out what the bites did exactly to them.. That could take a lot of time... and even more of her nerves.

* * *

Armed with a clipboard, she went to Jack first, since she wasn't ready to face the Doctor just yet. She lured Jack into a room somewhere deep in the TARDIS ("The Doctor has dirty magazines!" "Really? Preposterous!") and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Rose, this room is empty... Are you sure, we are in the right one?"

"Yep, I lied. Sorry."

Jack looked completely shocked. "Lying is a bad thing, Rose! It's a sin!"

She arched an eyebrow. "Says the former conman."

"Former, exactly! Now, I'm aiming to be pure again... No s-...se-... ehm, you know... any more. I'm a new man," Jack said, blushing furiously. If that was enough to make him blush now, what would happen when she took the next step?

"TARDIS, please lock the door," she said to the ceiling. A quiet 'click' sounded from the door. "Thank you."

Now, Rose looked at Jack and slowly took her clothes off.

Jack swallowed, hard. "R-Rose? What are you doing?"

"What you wanted me to do for _such_ a long time..." Rose answered huskily, while taking her shirt off. Her fingers went to the fly of her jeans when Jack suddenly came up to her. His face was bright red and he hid his eyes with one of his hands. The other one hold Rose's shirt, she threw to the floor before.

"P-Please, get dressed again... This is really embarrassing..."

Rose didn't know if she should laugh or cry. It wasn't like she absolutely wanted to sleep with him but a reaction like this, sure was a blow to her ego. Jack, the intergalactic playboy, refusing her? That was new...

And at the same time... this situation was just ridiculous! Not to mention the extremely funny face, Jack made right now.

She settled for a smirk and got dressed again. Then she noted the results on her clipboard.

"R-Rose? What are you writing?"

"Nothing, nothing. Jack, you told me off for violent behaviour before... What do you think about weapons?"

He looked absolutely shocked. "How can you even ask?! They are evil! I will never ever hold one again..." Jack sighed heavily. "Why can't everyone live in peace..."

Rose's right eye twitched and she got the sudden urge to slap him. This was just unreal...Frowning she wrote on her clipboard again.

"What about alcohol?"

"Alcohol?! Rose, alcohol is-"

"-evil, I know." Noted. "And dancing? Not the metaphor but the actual thing, of course..."

Jack blushed again. "D-Dancing is alright as long as you aren't _touching._" He said the last word like it was a crime. "But I don't think it's much fun, anyway... I don't like music. Reading religious books are more fun!"

This time, Rose wanted to bang her head against the wall. "That's... fun..."

"Of course! Well, you have to know which religions to read about... Some of them still practise-" That damn blush brightened again. "-y-you know."

"Sex, yeah I know."

Jack pressed his hands against his ears and pretended not to hear her. With a last sigh and a slap on the back of his head ("Ouch! No violence!") she ordered the TARDIS to unlock the door and left the room.

The results of her little test weren't very informative... he just seemed to be completely different than he was before.

Well, she still had the Doctor to test and something told her, she shouldn't take her clothes off in front of _him_. If he ever returned to normal, it would be more than a little embarrassing.

And she sure hoped, he would change back... Rose wasn't exactly ready for marriage..._yet_.

* * *

She found the Doctor cleaning the TARDIS. This time he wore a headscarf... why ever he needed one for his short cropped hair, was beyond Rose.

She drew her clipboard. "So, you like cleaning?"

He looked startled for a moment and then gave her a brilliant smile. "Rose, darling! What a question... Of course, I do! Can't have the TARDIS do all the work, can I?"

Rose snorted. He wasn't that generous before... "Had a sudden change of mind?"

"Yeah, it's strange but... That planet we visited before, really changed my way of thinking! I don't know why I ever hated domestic things... They are fanta-" He suddenly grimaced. "Oh, no."

"What? What is it?" That expression looked a lot like the one, he always wore before when she did something overly domestic... Did he return to normal?

"It's just... this word... _fan_-" He swallowed. "-_fantastic_... I absolutely hate it! How could I ever stand saying that word?"

Rose slapped her forehead. Whatever that stupid bite was... it made him completely bonkers!

"So, sudden love for domestic things, hating the word 'fantastic', sudden urge to shag me rotten and have a bunch of kids..." She noted it down. "Anything else different?"

"Oh, I wanted to shag you rotten before, just without the marrying and having kids stuff." He grinned at her and went back to his cleaning.

Rose blushed furiously and wrote 'unusual honesty' down. Well, at least _one _good thing came out of it...

* * *

Please tell me what you think :)


	3. Chapter 3

Three days... three days after their strange, little trip it suddenly hit her: her two favourite men's personalities became the exact opposite. Amazingly, Rose got this flash of genius when the Doctor trapped her against the wall and slid his hands under her shirt, while kissing her neck. She was barely able to concentrate and her attempts to resist weren't exactly vast. In fact, the weak "No... we can't..."s between her moans seemed to do the exact opposite and convinced the Doctor of her willingness (and boy, was she willing!).

Unsurprisingly Jack's outraged voice was both relieving and frustrating when it suddenly echoed through the room. "Doctor, stop it right there!"

Rose looked at him and suppressed a giggle. She noticed the past few days that Jack wore more and more clothing since it made him 'feel embarrassed' to show even an inch of skin apart from his face and hands. But _this_... topped it all: apparently he wore five layers of clothing today and everything in white! To Rose he looked like the marshmallow-man come to life!

Jack stormed up to them and made a motion as to push them apart, when he stopped himself. To do that, he would actually have to _touch_ them... preposterous!

"Move apart you two... two sinners! Even if you _were_ married, a behaviour like that is outrageous! Se-... Se-... the thing you wanted to do is for procreation only!"

Another thing, Rose noticed about Jack, was that his state seemed to become even worse. Before he was able to say 'sinful' words like 'sex' with great difficulty, but he still could if necessary. Now, not only wasn't he able to say anything of the like but he also had problems with things that seemed even the slightest bit phallic. Yesterday, he asked her to get rid of all cucumbers, courgettes, sausages and remaining bananas (the Doctor threw a lot of them out of the TARDIS since he loafed them now). Jack was disgusted enough of the sinful food, he couldn't even touch it!

Not to mention, that he found the cupboard, where he kept his stack of intergalactic sex toys, this morning. The sight shocked him enough that he fainted on the spot... Rose found him a few minutes after thanks to the TARDIS, carried him to his room (with the reluctant help of the Doctor... he became quiet lazy these days) and brought the toys to a safer place (not without nicking a thing or two... Jack's collection was _interesting_ to say the least). He would thank her later when he was in his right mind again... Rose was certain of that.

Meanwhile, the Doctor scowled at him. "Don't you have to get rid of your balls or something?! We are _busy_."

Jack looked completely shocked. "How- How can you say such a thing? You need to wash your mouth, young man!"

"Oh, shut it you prudish old mole!"

"Sinner!"

"Mummy's boy!"

"Delinquent!"

"Sissy!"

"Hooligan!"

Rose used this opportunity to leave the room unnoticed (after asking the TARDIS to record the interesting quarrel... she still had that YouTube account...) and went straight to the infirmary.

* * *

Thanks to the new information she gathered, Rose managed to narrow the search results down to three: Hanceldonishian flies, the Aerona bee and-

Rose frowned. The mean Politician fly... That couldn't be right, could it?

Then she noticed a small note under the name: _Doesn't change the character, but makes the victim do the exact opposite than he says. _

Okay, _that _made sense!

So, that left Hanceldonishian flies and the Aerona bee. Same symptoms, same bite marks, different antidote on different planet and in different galaxies..._Great!_

That meant Rose had to convince the Doctor, who transformed into a couch potato between seducing her, of steering the TARDIS and find a reasonable excuse to search for some herbs on two planets, they have never been to before. Not to mention that she had to take the two idiots with her, if she didn't want them to kill each other. Well, of course, Jack despised all kinds of violence by now but the Doctor would probably result to suicide if he had to listen to him for more than five minutes...

Realizing the full severity of her task, Rose sighed heavily and asked the TARDIS to print the information, she found, out.

"Doctor, I ehm... heard of a beautiful place for our wedding... could we go to Hanceldonia to check it out?" she asked the Time Lord twenty minutes later after soothing the crying Jack with some sweets (which happened to stick his teeth together, making him unable to speak... accidentally, of course).

The Doctor frowned. "Hanceldonia? You want us to get married on a giant swamp planet?"

Rose flinched inwardly. She should have checked the planet first. "Ehm... yeah? I-I think it's cosy?" she said unconvincingly. For good measure, she flattered her eyelashes and pouted slightly, feeling utterly ridiculous. She had never been one of _those_ girls, after all...

Nevertheless, her little acting did the trick. "Of course we can! Everything for my future bride!" He beamed at her and went back to his present favourite activity: knitting.

Rose coughed to hide the disbelieving snort, that threatened to escape her lips. "Thank you... _darling._"

The Doctor hummed in contentment.

Smiling about her unexpected success, Rose went to find Jack again.

* * *

After two hours of searching, the TARDIS seemed to finally feel sorry for her and led Rose to his current hiding place: the LIBRARY.

The Doctor's LIBRARY was such an important source of never-ending knowledge, that he (the Doctor) insisted his companions had to write the name in capital letters only and, when mentioning it, were supposed to speak of it with a low, growling voice. Needless to say, he was a big fan of Terry Pratchett's Death (the character, not the author's death).

Naturally, Rose ignored his antics and called it simply 'the boring place', since eighty percent of the Doctor's books were about scientific themes, she couldn't even pronounce.

She found Jack sitting on the floor, surrounded by books, and judging by his muttering, he tried to decide between two very prude sects, Rose had never heard of. In fact, the only book she knew seemed to be the bible. Apparently, he found the smallest part of 'the boring place': the religion section.

"Jack? Could I speak to you for a moment?"

Startled by her voice, Jack squeaked, jumped up and promptly ran against the nearest bookshelf, knocking himself out.

Rose groaned. A domestic slacker and a prudish coward... what did she ever do to deserve this?

Jack moaned slightly, held his aching head and tried to stand up but had some difficulties due to his amazing amount of cloths. His struggles made him look remarkable like a turtle. After he laid several minutes on his back, Rose began to pity him and offered him her hand.

"No!" he shrieked. "You are a woman! I can't be touched by a woman or the Wono Order won't take me any more..."

Rose smirked. "Jack, believe me, you have been touched by _plenty_ of women in your life... and not just your hands, honey." she said sweetly, smirk still in place.

He shrieked again. "Th-That was before! I changed."

"But will the Wanker Order except that excuse?"

"Wono! A-And I'm sure they will see reason!" Jack answered scandalised.

"Well, if you think so... Anyway, just wanted to tell you that we will be going to Hanceldonia in an hour. The Doctor and I consider to get married there and want to take a look at it. Ever heard of the planet?"

He shook his head no and Rose smiled. "I think it's the home of a very abstinent religious group... Maybe you should come with us."

Jack beamed at her and nodded his head vigorously. "I will come! I will come!"

Rose turned around to hide her smirk and said, "Alright. Might be better than this Wanker thing..."

"Wono!"

* * *

Reviews will increase your chance to become part of the Wanker Order ;)


	4. Chapter 4

I had three different beginnings before this one, so I hope it's going to be alright now...

It's strange, but writing them _off_ character is actually harder than writing them _in_ character O.o

* * *

"Okay, guys. Here are the rules," Rose said after stepping out of the TARDIS. "Number one: No wandering off! And I mean _no wandering off_. I know you either don't want to or can't realise it, but both of you aren't in your right minds. Your personalities were changed completely which makes you to-" Her voice drifted off when she turned around and saw Jack being stuck in the TARDIS' doors because of his mass of clothes and the Doctor staring at her breasts while licking his lips hungrily. They were paying no attention whatsoever... "-two damn idiots..." Rose muttered under her breath.

She went to pull Jack out of the TARDIS (he was released with a _plop_) and snipped her fingers in front of the Doctor's face to get his attention.

"Eyes up here-" she said, pointing to her brown ones. "-or we won't go to my Mum's to eat her Shepherd's pie tomorrow."

The Doctor looked at her with pleading eyes. "B-But Rose! Your Mum's cooking is the best! And her Shepherd's pie... it's my favourite food. Well, right after-"

"-pears, I know," Rose finished his sentence for him.

The Time Lord radiated with joy. "Oh, Rose Tyler... you know me so very well. We are _destined_ to be together!"

Rose just rolled her eyes in return. The truth was that the Doctor and Jack's behaviour was pretty easy to anticipate after her days of observing them. And she just had to expect the complete opposite of their normal behaviour, anyway.

"Okay, now that I have your attention... Rule number one: No wandering off. Rule number two: I'm in charge, so you do exactly as I say. And last but not least, rule number three: Don't do _anything_ that could get us arrested. No flirting, no touching or licking of random things, of course no stealing and no hurting others and no insulting them either." She looked fiercely at Jack now. "That _includes_ telling them off for their way of dressing, speaking or acting. Do you understand me?" Rose bellowed, making him jump behind the TARDIS to hide.

"Y-Yes, but _please_ don't hurt me," Jack whined, his voice shaking.

When Rose heard the Doctor breathing hard behind her and practically felt his fingers twitch over her ass, she knew this would be a very, very long day...

xXx

Lucky enough, the Doctor landed the TARDIS near the biggest City of Hanceldonia which made Rose's task to find out where to get the herbs she needed (and maybe even buy them in a shop) much easier. Soon, she found a little stall that traded in herbs with a nice looking old woman behind it. The Hanceldonians looked human save for their slightly purple skin, which made it a lot easier for Rose to talk to them.

Although, she met all sorts of aliens already, she still had the urge to run for her life, whenever she met a race that looked like insects. That made negotiations a lot harder, sometimes...

The old woman gave her a charming smile when Rose approached the shop. "Oh, human, right? Don't get ones of yours often, we don't. Pretty things you are... Want to buy some herbs? Fine quality that is, that is..."

The way, the woman spoke only made her more sympathetic in Rose's eyes and she returned the smile. "That depends... You see, my friends had a little problem with some insects. They got stung and their personality changed to the opposite. I heard, that there is a remedy on this planet."

The woman's eyes lit up. "Oh, yes, yes. Hanceldonian fly, that is! Remedy yes... but friends stung here? Flies nowhere else than on this planet, they are. Rare too... no cases seen for long time, I haven't."

Rose's face fell. "Oh, no. It happened on a different planet... Is there no way, that the flies got to another one?"

"No, highly unlikely, that. No trade with other planets, we do. And not many ships leaving planet. Universe too big for us little peoples. We content with life here, we are," the woman answered kindly.

"Okay, ehm... do you have the remedy here? I would like to get them, just in case..."

"Oh, no. Don't do I. Herbs only growing on highest mountain of Hanceldonia. Hard to reach, hard to reach. Growing under snow, them do. No one has in town. Seldom need them, too."

Rose sighed. "Alright. Thanks for your help. I guess, we will search for the other remedy first, then."

The woman beamed at her and took her hand, shaking it vigorously. "Oh, yous have to come again, again! Love humans, we do!"

xXx

Hours later, Rose's hand still hurt from the handshake. Lovely as the old woman was, she had one hell of a grip. The Doctor and Jack didn't make it any easier for her to relax, either. The visit seemed to excite them too much, so Rose decided to wait with the second search until tomorrow.

Both men talked non-stop, after stepping back into the TARDIS. Jack complained about every single person they met and that there was no sign of any order, while the Doctor didn't see any place on the planet that would be appropriate for their wedding. Slowly, they got to the amazing conclusion that Rose lied to them and that was what made her _really_ angry.

"I told you two right after stepping out of the TARDIS why we were on that planet... Did you forget that already?" But once again, her words didn't reach them. Jack cried crocodile tears because liars won't reach heaven and he was sad for her sake, while the Doctor turned on some cheesy music and approached her with a rose in his mouth. She won't ever forget that moment and would make damn sure that they didn't either...

While being whirled around like in a wave swinger and putting the Doctor's hand occasionally back from her ass to her waist, Rose thought bitterly about the next day. What if she wouldn't be able to find the remedy? What would she do with them?

Not having an answer to that question, she just swore to herself not to give up until she found it.

A life with these two idiots like that would, at best, drive her insane.

xXx

Sleep... Sleep was something, Rose didn't get all too often _before_ the Doctor and Jack changed, but _now,_ it was nearly impossible. Jack wasn't the one who drove her up the wall this time. No, just give him his cuddly blanket and he rolls himself into a small bundle on his bed, while sucking on his thumb.

The one who troubled her now, was the horny Time Lord himself. He refused to sleep alone in his own bed and took every opportunity to sneak into her room. The first night after that fateful little trip, Rose was naïve enough to think, he would be content with sleeping beside her. _Just_ sleeping beside her. But that changed immediately, when he snuggled close to her body and she was able to feel something press hard into her back that surely wasn't his sonic screwdriver. Then his hand wandered to her stomach, under her pyjama top and up, while he breathed heavily into her ear.

Rose was paralysed for a moment, but then wriggled accidentally a little, which caused her ass to bump slightly against the Doctor's groin.

"_Rose,_" he moaned into her ear, after that unexpected contact. That was enough for her to break her paralysis entirely and she threw him with a kick out of her room.

Today, she was able to get him into his own bed but that didn't keep him from sneaking into her room again and watching her sleep. When Rose then woke up because of the unmistakable feeling of being watched, she saw him looking at her tenderly like she was the most precious thing in the world. His eyes were fixed on her face and his features softer than she ever saw them before. He brushed her hair gently out of her face and then put his hand under her chin while touching her lips tenderly with his thumb. That moment was the only time, Rose thought about him staying that way and didn't flinch at the thought. She would of course never do that to him but a small part of her still wished him stay as honest with her as he was now...


	5. Chapter 5

Feeling not rested at all, Rose stepped into the console room... hand in hand with the Doctor who refused to let her out of his sight for even one second. Had she known what awaited her ten seconds later, she would have pushed him away before stepping through that fateful door...

"You sinners! You disbelievers in the beauty of heaven! How dare you?! How dare you spitting into the face of the Almighty?!"

Jack's piercing voice was like a pack of ice being thrown inside your knickers. Not. Comfortable. At. All.

Feeling a headache approaching, Rose groaned and glared at Jack's index finger, which pointed accusingly at her mere inches away from her face. "What did we do now?! Holding hands a crime now? Too much skin contact for your drugged crazy self?"

"Y-You... y-you... y-you..." Jack stuttered, thinking about the incredibility of their crime.

"We what, you sorry excuse for a monk?! I can do what I want with my future wife! That's none of your business!" the Doctor said angrily, slapping Rose's ass to underline his statement and being kicked by her in return.

Suddenly, it dawned on Rose what Jack was thinking. "Wha-... No! Jack, the Doctor and I didn't do anything... naughty... in my room! He was just watching me sleep."

"Liar! I heard him breathing hard when I passed your door last night! And now you came here, looking like a... like a..." Jack's voice trailed off, when he noticed her look.

"Like a what?!" Rose half yelled, half growled, feeling every bit like her mother but not caring about it for once.

Jack shrieked in fear and hid behind the console. A few sparks flew around the room, making it obvious that the TARDIS shared Rose's annoyance at the two's behaviour.

Turning away from the cowering Jack (the sight was too pathetic...), Rose looked at the Doctor instead and asked with raised eyebrows, "Hard breathing? You _did_ only watch me... _right?_" Rose complemented herself for the dangerous tone of her voice before using the same glare for the Doctor as she did for Jack. If the Doctor would be in his right mind, he wouldn't bat an eyelash at her accusing question, but _this one_ looked like he was about to cry... Then her eyes wandered down to his trousers and back up, looking accusingly into the Doctor's blue ones.

"Doctor... you changed your trousers didn't-"

"Alright, Rose Tyler! You wanted to go to Transphilmonia, desert planet in the Quadros Galaxy, right?" he said suddenly, jumped to the console and transported them into the vortex.

Rose knew of course that he only wanted to change the subject, but for once, let it drop. Seriously, she could live _without_ knowing the answer to that...

xXx

A few minutes later, the TARDIS came to such an abrupt stop, that Jack and the Doctor were thrown across the room, while Rose was lucky enough to stand beside one of the columns, she always hold onto. She also had the feeling that the TARDIS chose exactly this moment to land because the Doctor and Jack were nowhere near something to hold.

Silently reassuring the TARDIS inside her head and gaining a thankful hum for it, Rose kicked the whimpering Jack through the doors (he still wore an ridiculous amount of clothes) and showed the Doctor with a very clear hand gesture what she would do to him, if he kept fingering her butt.

"Right. Same rules as yesterday, boys. Don't do anything stupid, just... just follow me and act normal." Rose knew in the same moment her words left her lips that this was an impossible thing to ask and was proved right when Jack passed out on the market place because the heat and the layers of clothes became too much for him. The Transphilmonians were a pretty helpful and polite folk as it seemed. As soon as Jack touched the ground, everyone on the place rushed to him, slapping his face gently and asking what was wrong with the chubby human (Rose had to laugh at that... Jack's ego was in for some surprises when she told him all about it later). Despite their friendly nature, they had yellow bodies with brown spots, slightly longer arms and feet than humans and big goggle eyes.

One of them approached Rose with a big smile (that showed some very impressing teeth...) and asked, "Is this your friend, miss?" When Rose nodded, he (or she?) continued. "I'm afraid, he isn't feeling too well... it looks like the Ungarish Pox to me. His face is all red... do you know of any such health problems, miss?"

Before Rose could answer, the Doctor intervened. "Nope! The big idiot is just wearing too many clothes, I bet. The clever little apes aren't really made for this heat."

The endearing name for her race, he used, startled Rose for a moment until she realised that he is still drugged by some alien insect.

Hearing the Doctor's words, the aliens peeled Jack's clothes off of him until he lay there in trousers and t-shirt. Thanks to a good positioned kick from the Doctor (the aliens gasped at the rudeness of such a gesture) Jack began to stir. Upon realising his state of dress, he jumped up and tried to hide his exposed skin. After bestowing some rather unkind words of the Transphilmonians going to hell and all that, Rose grabbed him by the ear and dragged him over to the Doctor so he could watch over him (and kick him once or twice again...). Rose went back to the aliens and apologised again and again and again, until one Transphilmonian hold up his hand and told her it was alright.

"Don't worry about it. This happens all the time... But let me ask you: Is something wrong with your friend? He seems strange..."

Rose sighed in relieve to finally be able to address their reason of being here. "Yes, he has been stung by either the Aerona bee or the Hanceldonian fly, which is why we are here..."

"Ah, yes! That explains everything of course! But... may I ask, if he showed any sign of extreme aggressiveness towards you?" the alien asked kindly.

"No, not at all... Why? Is that important?" Rose already felt the easy solution slipping through her fingers.

"Yes. The Aerona bee, whose origin is on our planet, effects the character much deeper than the Hanceldonian fly. It changes every little feeling... Love becomes hate and hate becomes love. If they are truly your friends, then they would at the very least show a certain dislike towards you."

"Then it has to be that fly? But that woman... she said it doesn't exist anywhere else than on their planet!"

The alien's... well, Rose thought it was his eyebrow... raised in wonder. "Really? That's strange... We had people here who were stung by it from all over the universe... I'm no specialist, but I thought it was a very common insect."

Rose gaped at him. If what he was saying was true, then that meant... "B-But... then she lied to me? She was so nice... Why should she lie?"

"Maybe you should ask that woman?" the Transphilmonian said, trying to be helpful.

"You bet, I will," Rose answered through gritted teeth before looking at her friends and groaning at the sight. "Doctor, stop it! You don't want to kill him..."

And with very murderous thoughts, she dragged them back to the TARDIS...

While watching the strange humans walking away, Toro (the alien) thought that at the very least, that _Doctor_ showed an unusual degree of violence.

xXx

I know, I'm mean to them but... it's sooo much fun :P  
Not much more to go now ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Rose began to ask herself a very important question: Would it be illegal to kill someone inside the vortex? Frankly, no one owned it so there shouldn't be any laws, right? And even if the Time Lords had been responsible for it, if she killed the last one...

Her thoughts were interrupted by screaming Jack who was chased by the Doctor... who, if she saw right, he held a naughty magazine inside his hand.

"Come one, Jacky-boy! I know you want to take a look!" the Doctor yelled, while he chased him around the console and outside of the control room again.

Rose sighed and prayed to God, they would soon arrive at their destination...

~*~

The Doctor and Jack held their burning cheeks while Rose told them all about the rules again.

"If one of you does anything stupid that postpones me getting my hands on that remedy, I swear, I'm gonna kick your asses right to Raxacoricofallapatorius. Got it?!"

Both men nodded solemnly, certain not to cross her this time. The venom might make them a little strange, but not _that_ stupid.

Together, they went to the place the woman's stall stood before only to find it deserted. A sign hang in front of the shop:

_I'm getting herbs. If nice yellow lady comes, I made mistake. There was ship flying off planet ten years before. Not returning, it did. Herbs you need in Ambaba mountains. Are yellow green, that direction-_

An arrow pointed to a rather threatening, big mountain. Rose sighed exaggeratedly. Couldn't _anything_ be easy in her life?

~*~

The climbing was difficult and exhausting. Jack kept moaning the whole way and for the first time, Rose was glad, her bum was a perfect distraction for the Doctor. She went in front of him and thanks to the rather steep rise, he had a perfect view of her behind. Grinning like an idiot, he was the only one able to move without any difficulties.

"Are we there yet?" Jack whined. For once, he got rid of his impossible thick clothing on his own.

"Do you see me holding herbs in my hands and making a little victory dance? No? Then shut the hell up!" Rose said angrily.

Jack shrieked at the mentioning of 'hell' and hid behind the Doctor, who kicked him in a these days rather unused part of his autonomy. Jack uffed, held his balls and fell into a heap on the ground. Without looking back, the Doctor and Rose went on like nothing happened.

Thirty minutes later, they decided to take a break (Jack had caught up with them as fast as he could. He was afraid of the shadows... well, _his_ shadow) and sat down on the grass beside the mountain road. Trees stood on the right and left, protecting the three from the burning sun.

Rose nearly began to hope, Jack was too tired to moan around but _of course_ it would have been too good to be true...

"Why do we have to climb this mountain? It could be sacred and we are disturbing the gods... not to say, breaking the law!"

The Doctor, previously doing things to Rose's hand she could only describe as 'hand porn', looked suddenly shocked at Jack's comment. "Breaking the law? We can't possible break the law! What if we get thrown into prison? And anyway, it's _wrong_!"

"Hasn't stopped you two ever before..." Rose muttered and closed her eyes in expectation of the oncoming protests... which promptly came.

"But we changed!" yelled the Doctor and Jack in unison.

"We should all respect the laws..." the Time Lord continued on his own. "I still think we should settle down as soon as possible, Rose! I can find a job in London and save the money... and until we have got enough to buy a little house, we can live together with your mum! Wouldn't that be fanta-" He grimaced suddenly, being obviously repelled by the word he nearly said. "-pah! I mean it would be... wonderful! Really wonderful!" The Doctor gave her a brilliant smile and it was Rose's time to grimace. A life with the Doctor and her mum in their little flat? Raxacoricofallapatorians becoming vegetarians would be more likely than _that_.

"You living with two women?! That's absolutely-" Before Jack was able to say anything more, Rose excused herself to take care of a 'private matter' and went into the woods. When she was far away enough that their bickering voices didn't reach her ears any more, she leant against a tree and sighed heavily. As much as she loved those two... right now they drove her completely mad!

While thinking about all the things she had to endure with her two best friends, she didn't notice how quiet the whole forest suddenly became. Two glowing eyes eyed her through the luxuriant bushes, following her every move. Rose suddenly felt them upon her and shuddered visibly. Frantically, she looked around but the trees didn't allow her to see what was following her... Deciding, she wasn't save on her own any more, she wanted to run back to the Doctor and Jack but was suddenly grabbed by two strong hands. Rose screamed.

~*~

Jack shivered when he heard the blood-curdling scream and curled up into a small ball. The Doctor left to see what kept Rose up, so he was now completely alone on the vacated meadow. Nervously, his eyes followed every little movement and noise. When he heard a twig crack behind him, Jack shrieked and hid his head behind his hands. He knew, he should have entered the order of the Wank- Wono! Order of the Wono... But no, he just _had_ to listen to Rose. Better order... more prudish and real believers, that was what she told him again and again and again. Of course, she admitted once that she lied but Jack thought she saw reason and when he wanted to go to Purity, the most religious planet in the universe, she promised him a place within 'the Order of the Phoenix'. Rose said it would be a secret order... somewhere where the members fought evil. The Doctor laughed when she said this but Jack wanted to believe her... he always believed in the good of people. Well... at least he believed in it for the few past days... ever since he got stung. Strange coincidence, that...

Suddenly, another twig cracked behind him. Jack screeched in fear and whirled around. A dark figure stood behind a tree.

"Whombi...wu...?" Jack whimpered, momentarily lost for (coherent) words.

The figure stepped into the light and the ex-Time Agent gasped.

"B-But... aren't you...?"

~*~

Strong arms turned Rose around and pressed her against the tree. With both her hands held securely at her sides, she was unable to react when cold lips dashed down to meet hers. They were demanding, dominant... anxious to receive what Rose denied them _oh _so often. A cold tongue pleaded entrance to her mouth, but Rose pressed her lips hard together. They had more important things to do right now... they shouldn't get distracted... _she_ shouldn't get distracted. Rose knew too well, she would be unable to stop, couldn't reject the impulse any longer to just take what she wanted for such a long time. He wasn't in his right mind... wouldn't be until they found that damn remedy. It wouldn't be right... it wouldn't be-... _God_, what did he just do on her neck?!

Rose tried pretty hard to concentrate (which was nearly impossible since he pressed his body against hers and she was able to feel how 'hard' _he_ tried). Fighting to get her ability to speak back, Rose was able to press out a few words, "Doctor... don't... shouldn't... We have to... Jack... and... GAWD, do that again!"

Being now entirely lost in their activity, they didn't notice how time passed by and it got dark around them... until...

"AHH!!!"

Rose pushed the Doctor away from her who growled in return. "If you are suddenly trying hard to get now..."

"N- No, didn't you hear the scream right now? That was Jack!" Rose answered while blushing at the sight of his pleasure drunken eyes.

"Who cares about Jack?!" The Doctor tried to draw her in for another kiss but Rose escaped his hands and ran back to the meadow.

The Time Lord sighed and looked down on himself. "Down boy,-"he spoke to his little but not quite 'sonic screwdriver'. "-dinner will have to wait... for now."

And grinning like an idiot, he followed his object of desire.


	7. Chapter 7

I couldn't sleep last night so I worked on this instead. Had quite a bit of fun with it, too :P  
Only one more chapter if I don't have a change of mind again... maybe two if I write an epilogue. And don't worry, poor Rose will get her payback pretty soon ;)

~*~

When Rose returned to the meadow, Jack was nowhere to see.

"Go figures," she muttered under her breath and began to search the surrounding area for a trace of the vanished ex-Time Agent.

The Doctor arrived mere seconds later and seemed quite amused by Jack's absence. "Hah! The prat broke your rules and wandered off... someone is in for a good beating." He rubbed his hands together in pure anticipation of Jack's scolding.

"I don't think, he left voluntarily..." Rose said from somewhere behind the bushes. "There are... scratches on the ground here. I think he was dragged off and bored his nails into the ground." She frowned. "Not the smartest thing to do, when he could have grabbed a tree or something instead..."

The Doctor coughed a weirdly, which sounded a lot like 'loser' to Rose.

She rolled her eyes at his childish behaviour and searched for other traces, that helped to find out where their friend was dragged off to.

"He left quite a lot of damage in the woods... it should be easy to follow him," she said after a while, eyeing broken sticks on the ground and scratches on a few trunks.

The Doctor took a pear out of his jacket and eyed Rose's discovery quite bored, while eating it. "Why should we try to find him in the first place? He is just a whiny little piece of-"

Rose looked in disbelief at him. "To make sure he is safe and make him to the person, he was. Jack is our friend... or did you forget that?"

"Who cares? I can think of much more enjoyable things, one can do in the woods instead of chasing after a stupid little monk..." The Doctor threw the rest of the devoured fruit away, licked his lips and leered at her. "In fact, it's the most unmonkish thing, I can think of..."

Knowing full well, she wouldn't get anywhere without motivating him a little, Rose stepped forward and lay a hand on his chest, right between his wild thumping hearts. Leaning toward him, she whispered mere inches away from his face, "If you help me rescue Jack and get those herbs, I would be _really _grateful."

That sure got his attention. "Grateful? How grateful exactly?" he breathed back, his voice suddenly several octaves deeper.

"Oh, so grateful that..." She shot him a brilliant smile. "We go visiting my mum and I convince her to make Shepherd's Pie!"

The Doctor's mouth dropped open in shock. "Shepherd's..." he began and then beamed suddenly at her. "That's lovely! Let's go find him!"

The Time Lord was in the woods in under a second and Rose gaped after him like fish. "That... that worked? Damn... I'm beginning to get get a _hang _of this." Shaking her head, she turned to follow him.

~*~

When they finally reached the end of their search which seemed to Rose like taking hours, although it really was just a few minutes, the couple broke through the woods and stood right at the edge of a small cliff. On the right of them, a narrow way led down to something, Rose had only one thing to say about: "What the bloody hell is that thing?!"

She gaped at a creepy, black-ish building in front of her. It looked like a mix of factory, castle and dungeon... feeling suddenly reminded of bad horror films, where the victims just _had _to enter a vacated, creepy building although knowing better, Rose half inspected to hear a roll of thunder from above it.

But in her travels, she had seen much worse things like this... as long as the Doctor was by her side, nothing could ever-...

Rose's thoughts drifted off and a sudden fear clenched at her heart, when she looked around and no Doctor was to be seen _anywhere_.

"Doctor? Doctor, where are you?"

Her head turned back to the woods, when she suddenly heard a stifled yawn from behind one of the bushes. "Doctor?"

Going to the place, where she heard the noise from, Rose spotted the Doctor leaning against one of the trees. "Be a sweetheart and go on without me, yeah? I'm in dire need of a nap."

Her blood began to boil at his words and only the mantra inside her head ("_He isn't in his right mind. He isn't in his right mind. He isn't in his right mind._"), kept her from giving him a good Tyler slap.

"And why," she said through clenched teeth after taking a deep breath. "do you want to let a girl, you wanted to shag and marry only minutes ago, go to a dangerous rescue mission _completely_ on her own?"

The Doctor frowned at her as if that question wouldn't have been a justified one. "Obviously because I'm tired, Rose. There are only so many things I do for Shepherd's Pie and entering a creepy looking building, where we probably will be in danger and have to run, God forbid, I prefer a good kip."

Taking the hint, Rose knew she had to raise the stakes in order to get him to come with her. "Alright... _alright_. What do I have to do, so you come with me and help?"

The Doctor suddenly grinned widely at her and even had an evil glint inside his eyes. "Well, Rose Tyler... you are entirely too... evading for my taste. First you are responding to my advances and then, when I'm all hot and bothered, you reject me again. I'm getting quite a lot of mixed signals, here."

Rose bit her lip and tried to avoid meeting his eyes. "It's complicated... I _told _you it is."

"Not for me. I want you, Rose." His look hold so much honesty that Rose cursed the damn insect that stung him, once again. How much of what he did and said was really true?

"You might want me now, but not when you are normal again... Look, I don't want to do anything you will hate me later for..."

"I could never hate you."

"But you will!" Rose sighed and kneed down to cup his cheek. He leant at once into her touch. "When we got Jack back as well as those herbs which make you both normal again _and_ you two took them to cure your... illness, then... if you still want me, then I'm willing to give it a try... more than a try, actually." She blushed at her words and the Doctor started to grin broadly at her.

"Alright then! Let's rescue that useless, little interfering monk!"

~*~

Entering the building was surprisingly easy, albeit... different from their usual approach. The Doctor, taking out his psychic paper and grinning cheekily at the startled guard, introduced himself as Dr. John Dorian (he was definitely watching too much TV these days...) and pointing at Rose, he added, "And this is my lovely assistant and concubine, Rose Tyler." Said person's eyes widened at the denotation and she resisted the urge with all her might to kick him against the shin for the remark.

The guard looked at her scrutinising, his gaze staying on different parts of her body too long, and turned his head back to the Doctor. "Concubine, eh? She any good?"

When the Doctor's face broke into a huge grin, Rose knew she wouldn't like his answer. "Good? _Oh_, you should see what she can do with her tongue... Not to mention her _gymnastic_ abilities... Ouch!" This time she really did kick him.

Frowning, the guard said, "Not very well-educated, is she? She should know to respect her master..."

"Ah, I like them a bit feisty, you see? It makes things quite... _interesting_ in the bedroom."

They both shared an evil laugh and the guard let them enter the building without even asking from which organisation, they were from. Frankly, he had to be the worst guard in the whole universe... Well, at least _something_ worked out.

When they were alone inside the big entrance hall, Rose used the time to hit the Doctor on the back of his head with her flat hand. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?!" he exclaimed, rubbing his throbbing scalp.

"Does concubine, gymnastics and feisty ring a bell?" Her eye was twitching again. She could feel it.

"Rose, I only acted! And it worked, didn't it?" The Doctor gave it his all to look innocent but the mirth inside his eyes betrayed him.

"At my expense... How would you feel, if I claimed ownership over you?" Rose regretted her words as soon as she saw a dreamy expression crossing the Doctor's face.

"Depends. Do I get a collar and you call me 'bad boy'? I look really great in leather..."

Turning her head away and muttering something about finding Jack, Rose prayed to God he wouldn't notice the blush that graced her cheeks. Stupid 21th century view... Jack, the normal, proper, perverted one, always said she was too uptight and needed to loosen up in regards of extravagant sexual practices. But the images crossing her mind right now, were entirely too much for her little, human heart.

"_Ro-ose_... I can smell you..."

Rose jumped when the Doctor suddenly stood only inches behind her. Shivering from the Time Lord's ragged breathing against her neck, she knew they had to find Jack... and _fast_! There was only so much a London girl could take, after all...

~*~

It soon became clear that the building was really more a creepy, dark castle than a factory. There were countless shady corridors, lit only by the shine of single candles, and without signs leading to any direction. Whoever worked or lived here obviously knew his way around.

The Doctor stayed, like in the last few days, rather passive and therefore Rose had to take the lead again. After walking through similar looking, deserted corridors and not finding even a trace of Jack, Rose turned frustrated to the Time Lord. "Don't _you_ have any idea, where Jack could be?"

Tearing his gaze from her heaving breasts, the Doctor's eyes stayed on her lips instead. " You know me, I'm not really good in finding my way through unknown buildings... and I'm also quite rubbish at saving people..."

"Riiight... how could I ever forget that..." she answered with rolling eyes, her voice nearly dripping with sarcasm. "Okay, Rose. Think, think!" she continued to talk to herself. "Where would you keep a crazy hostage like Jack in a creepy castle that looks like arisen from a horror film?"

Rose slapped her hand against her forehead when it suddenly hit her. "A dungeon! Jack has to be inside the dungeon! We have to go downstairs... come on!"

Dragging the Doctor along, she soon reached a flight of stairs. Rose swallowed when she looked down. It looked even darker down there. "A-Alright... off we go then."

"Do you really think the idiot is worth all this trouble? If you have to have a prude as a friend then we could just find you a new one," the Doctor muttered, also looking with dismay at the darkness below them.

"I am planning to... 'deprude' him. Thank you very much." Catching his surprised, frowning look, she added hastily, "Mind out of the gutter, will you? I didn't mean it in _that_ way!"

"Good," he growled in return. "You are mine and that won't ever change, Rose Tyler."

Rose shivered again... and it had nothing to do with the breath of wind coursing through the castle.

"Okay, then... then let's do this."

And trying to ignore the sense of dread overcoming their minds, they descended the flight of stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

That's it... the very last chapter :)

Might get a sequel some day, but for now it's the end. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! You always make my day ;)

Without further ado, the last one:

~*~

"67 bottles of beer on the wall,

67 bottles of beer!

Take one down, pass it around

66 bottles of beer on the wall!

66 bottles of beer on the wall-"

"Stop it already!" Rose screamed, cutting the Doctor off before he was able to sing yet another line. Ten minutes, they were walking down the stairs and they seem to have no end... The whole situation really began to unnerve her. Jack vanished, the Doctor no help at all but more of a hindrance and she had no idea, what they were dealing with. What if this whole situation was too much for her and she wouldn't be able to help Jack? What if he was already... But, no. Rose couldn't think like that. Like her friends, her normal friends, she had to keep her head cool... Not easy to do that when the last of the Time Lords is making faces at you, though.

"_Oh_, cut it out, you big baby!"

~*~

It took them another five minutes until they finally saw the end of the stairs and heard noises. Rather strange noises...

Rose heard whimpers, laughs, cries and singing along with thuds and rustling chains. Not knowing what awaited them, she indicated to the Doctor, who had his hands on places, she would have to slap him later for, to be quiet and slowly went down the last stairs. When they reached the end, she looked carefully around the corner and her eyes widened at the sight.

Countless cells lined a long corridor, containing hundreds of prisoners, one stranger than the other. Some of them sang songs, others had a heated argument, stood starkers in the cell and shook their bodies to the songs or cried loudly, blaming everyone and everything for their situation.

Signs on the doors, described the cells with 'shy to forward', 'monks to exhibitionists' and 'optimists to pessimists' among other things.

Seeing all these different 'people' (only a few looked human) like this, Rose suddenly knew what this was all about. For whatever reason, people who got changed personalities like the Doctor and Jack were captured and brought here.

"Rose, Doctor! I'm here!" Jack waved from out of a cell with the sign 'pervert to monk'... a more than accurate description like Rose thought. "Look how many friends I found!" He sat amidst five other heavy dressed 'men' (two looked human, the other three had yellow and green skin) who seemed to discuss the art of hiding your body or something like that.

"Jack! Thank God!" Rose was more than relieved to see him. Judging by her bad luck lately, she half inspected him to be either in a cell on the far end of the corridor or not there at all. After going to his cell, she reached even out to hug him through the bars but was stopped by the look of dismay on his and his friends' faces. "No touching. Right. Sorry."

Rose looked at the cell's lock and realised with delight that the sonic screwdriver should be able to take care of it. All the other locks seemed to be the same, too.

"Doctor, can you open the cells for me? We have to free the prisoners before anyone captures us..." Rose sighed heavily when she looked behind her and he wasn't there any more. "No wandering off... why does no one _ever_ listen to me?" She never noticed the irony of her statement.

Rose found him five cells down the corridor, obviously trying to sell just the thing she needed right now. A man stood behind the iron bars, looking eagerly at the sonic device. A sign on the door read 'cheapskate to shopping addict'.

"Over eight thousand settings," she heard him say. "The only sonic device with that many. Unique in the whole universe! For two hundred thousand credits, it's yours!"

"I'll give you five hundred thousand!" the man said greedily and Rose resisted the urge to slap her forehead. It still hurt from last time...

"Alright, you two. That's enough!" She finally stepped in and took the sonic screwdriver out of the Doctor's hand. "How can you even _think_ about selling it?"

"But we could buy a house with the money! We wouldn't even have to rely on your mother. I don't think, she would object, though... She is such a _lovely_ person!"

Rose really asked herself what she did to deserve this. "What setting to open locks, Doctor?"

"Dunno. That thing is way too complicated... I don't like to think about it," he said and picked his nose, immediately losing all the dignity, he had left.

"Get a grip on yourself, will you?! We have to free Jack!"

Now, he looked at her... or more like stared at her. "W-What?" she asked him, feeling a little unnerved by his intensive gaze.

"Are we... gonna shag?"

Now _she _stared at _him_. "What?!"

"When that dimwit is free... do we shag? I'm getting tired of all this running about... Don't really want to do anything without getting something in return."

Rose felt her face flush at his words. "I told you, we will if you still want to after being normal again."

"I don't think I believe you."

"What?" she asked perplexed. "Why?"

"Dunno. I just... it's like I suddenly don't trust you any more. Don't know why _now_, but I just... don't."

Feeling crushed by his words, tears began to form in Rose's eyes. It had to be the venom... couldn't be anything else. He trusted her from the very beginning. Even when she saved her father and nearly ended the world in the process, he did. Yes, the venom has to be spreading. There was no other explanation.

"Doctor, that's not you speaking, but what changed you. You can trust me. Please, just... just try to alright?" she said and did the only thing, she thought could help to counteract the OOC Syndrome: she took his head inside her hands and pressed her lips against his. The Doctor responded immediately and pressed her body against the wall between the cells. Feeling his tongue invading her mouth, Rose decided for once to melt into the kiss. Who knew, if she would ever be able to kiss him again?

Some prisoners began to hoot while others (like Jack and his 'gang') complained loudly about such insolence.

Although knowing, she would regret it the very second her lips left his, Rose pulled back after a few (very intense) minutes. "As much as I hate stopping, we have some work to do, Doctor. We will end this in the TARDIS..."

"We better will..." the Time Lord growled. "You and your teasing nearly drives me insane. Can't say what I would do, if you are lying to me, Rose Tyler."

Rose felt a spark of fear, when he looked at her. Right now, he reminded her more of an animal than a person.

"We have to hurry," she said suddenly, not wanting to think about how much the syndrome could really change him. "Be a good little Time Lord, take the sonic screwdriver and open the cells, will you? All of them. You are faster than me and-"

"That won't be happening, I fear." Rose whirled around when she heard another voice behind her.

"You?!"

In front of her stood the very person, who sent them to the other planet. The one, Rose trusted immediately in her jeopardy friendly way... the old lady from the stall.

Cackling evilly, she pointed a gun at Rose and the Doctor, who cowered behind his companion and shivered with fear.

"I had enough victims when you three reached my stall," the old woman said, just like any foe who thought he had to reveal his great plan to the heroes. "'What do you want with three other humans? When one isn't even affected?' I thought. It made no sense... But I just couldn't resist when I saw your little friend over there-" She pointed at Jack. "-sat so defenceless and alone on the side of the road. And now, I see how much he is really worth... because you brought _him_ here." Looking directly at the Doctor, she continued greedily, "A Time Lord! _Oh_, I'm going to get _so_ much money for him! And his ship... when I get his ship..."

"How do you know about Time Lords? And what do you want with all these people?" Rose asked, trying to buy them some time and fighting down the sudden guild rising inside of her. If the old hag did something to the Doctor... it would be her fault.

"Time Lords are legendary on our planet, my dear. There have been stories of thousands of years concerning the Lords of Time. And the people? Hah! What do you think? Experiments, of course. Hanceldonishian flies... nothing else affects the body like their venom. No one ever managed to look behind the mystery... but _I_ am going to solve it! And get rich in the process."

Rose flinched, when she saw the evil look inside her eyes. How could she ever have trusted that woman?

"Did you do all of this alone?" Rose, holding the screwdriver still in her hand, tried to look around without her noticing. There has to be something here that could save them... _anything_! "All of these people... you captured them?"

"'Course I did. I won't share my money with anyone! The only one beside us in this building is the guard... and it seems like I will have to sack him." She sighed heavily. "It's really a shame... he was so cheap."

"For a reason," Rose muttered, remembering their easy entry.

"Yes, yes. But all of this is unimportant now. I'm sorry, but you are an obstacle to my plan, damsel in distress." Out of the corner of her eyes, Rose saw the prisoners of the cell to her left rise at the woman's last words. The sign on the door read 'cowards to heroes'. "Any last words, my dear?"

Knowing suddenly what she had to do, Rose grinned at her. "Actually, yes!" She pointed the sonic screwdriver at the left cell, praying it had the right setting. The door flew open with a loud _bang. _"_Help!_"

The 'heroes' jumped out at once.

"A damsel in distress calling for help!" "And she is blond!" "Geronimo!" they yelled and lunged at the old woman.

Rose winced. "Uh, that gotta hurt..." she exclaimed, watching the 'heroes' at work. "Ouch! Uh, glad that's not me... well, that was rather unnecessa-... O-Oh, dear."

When the men went off the poor woman, she lay unconscious on the floor.

One of them went over to Rose, took her hand and kissed it. "No need to thank us, Miss. It is the duty of every man to defend a defenceless woman," he said pompously.

"Yes. Right. Wasn't going to anyway," she muttered. "Kicking and punching a poor old woman... you should be ashamed of yourselves." The 'heroes' looked completely crushed at this and Rose fought the urge to pat her shoulder. At least, she was able to have _some_ fun in this whole situation.

"Doctor, catch!" She threw the screwdriver to him, who he let it drop to the floor. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Free everyone else for me, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded and without another word, began his task. Rose raised an eyebrow in wonder. Since when was he that obedient?

When some of the prisoners (especially Jack and his friends) complained about being freed because they _liked_ it in their cells, the Doctor and some former saints, now thugs, had to _convince_ them to leave. Rubbing the hurting parts of their bodies, they too left the dungeon.

The 'heroes', still embarrassed about their too rough approach, carried the old woman and Rose, being the only sane person right now, led the group up the stairs and out of the castle. The guard only shrugged, when the mass of people went out of the building and followed them after realising, he just lose his job.

It was a rather disturbing walk back to the village... especially because some of the crazier ones decided to take a bath in one of the numerous swamps on the planet. After saving those (the perverts were more than ready to do Rose's every bidding and helped), others decided to pray to the plant gods and hugged some trees (naturally, Jack had to join in). All in all, they took about ten times longer than they took to walk there.

Rose nearly fell to her knees and kissed the ground, when she saw the edge of the village. A few villager jogged over to them, when they spotted the huge group of people.

"Oh my... what happened?"

After explaining everything, someone called the police and the old woman got arrested for kidnapping. The victims were rounded up and taken to the nearest hospital.

When someone asked her if they should take her friends with them, Rose declined. While watching them leave, she suddenly remembered the reason for being in the mountains in the first place.

"The herbs!" she exclaimed in sheer desperation. "Oh no... we have to go back."

One of the villagers, an old man, heard her and went over to ask, "Herbs? Do you happen to mean the remedy for their disease?" He pointed at the Doctor who tried to take Jack's clothes away, the former conman previously left in the mountains and now wanted to wear again. Jack obviously didn't want so many people to see his naked arms...

"Yes... they are rare and only grow deep in the mountains, yeah?"

"Actually... no," the man answered Rose's question. "They are quite common and grow in shady places. There are some of them, see?" He pointed at some lilac plants on the side of the road and Rose's mouth dropped open.

"All this time... all this time, they grew right _there _and..."

Her frustrated scream could be heard all over the planet.

~*~

A few minutes later, the Doctor, Jack and Rose safely entered the TARDIS. Rose let herself drop onto the jump seat, put her head into her hands and groaned loudly.

The Doctor and Jack looked at her with raised eyebrows and the latter asked, "Something wrong? Shall I prey for you? My friends told me about some very amazing Gods and-"

"No," Rose growled, her head still hidden. "-just shut up and eat the damn herbs in the bag."

The old man advised her not to give them the remedy in the village because they would immediately lose consciousness and need time to wake up. He said, she should put them to bed first... but frankly, Rose wasn't in the mood for that now.

Jack would never let her enter his bedroom and if she got the Doctor _anywhere_ near a bed, he wouldn't want to lay down in his clothes and especially not without her... which would led to a very embarrassing situation, when he was normal again.

Seeing neither of them move, she glared at them and whispered in a threatening voice even _she _was scared of, "Do. It."

She never saw them move faster... Sure enough, both men fell to the grating as soon as the herbs went down their throats.

After checking them for life signs, Rose sat down on the jump seat again and began to read her favourite alien magazine, not bothering further for their well being. She went through enough because of them that a little back ache surely wouldn't hurt...

Nearly ten minutes later, the Doctor stirred and slowly stood up, holding his throbbing head. "What the... did someone hit me?"

Rose put her magazine away and slowly went over to him. "Are you... alright? Normal?"

"What question is that?" the Doctor answered, grinning at her despite his headache. "Have I ever been what you consider as 'normal'."

"Guess not," Rose muttered. "Did it work then? What do you remember?" She honestly didn't know if she wanted him to remember everything or not.

"Sorry, but I can barely think straight... My head is killing me. Did you hit me with a baseball bat or something?"

Rose wanted just to tell him that she was tempered a few times but was interrupted by a moaning Jack.

"I swear, I'm never gonna drink again," he managed to get out and tried to stand up but was hindered by his mass of clothes. "What the hell...?"

Seeing him squirm on the ground, Rose sighed and went over to help him.

"Thanks, Rosie," Jack said, grinning charmingly at her. "And now, be honest." He put both of his hands on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes. "These clothes... do I look fat in them?"

Rose laughed heartedly and threw her arms around him. "Glad to have you back!"

"Glad to be normal again. Must have been pretty hard on you, huh?"

"You have no idea," Rose answered, still grinning from ear to ear.

Then she turned to the Doctor. "What about you? Remember anything?"

"Yes... I would rather forget it, though," he answered darkly and Rose felt her heart sink. "Most humiliating time in my life..."

Jack clapped his hands together. "Well, I think we could all need some tea."

~*~

"I can't believe I did those things..." Jack said after they spoke about everything that happened. "I mean, of course I can wear anything and still look good in it, but that was a little too much."

"You even wanted to become a monk," Rose mentioned, grinning widely.

Jack groaned. "Don't remind me... I remember, how you wanted to undress in front of me, though..." he said winking and Rose blushed furiously.

The Doctor choked on his tea. "W-What?"

"I only did it to check your reaction," Rose defended herself. "Had to find out what was wrong with you two..."

"Check my reaction now," Jack said, grinning suggestively at her and she swatted his arm.

"Oh, stop it. Be glad I figured it out... Otherwise, you would probably be part of the Wanker Order or something."

"That's were I would fit best in, if I decided to live without sex," he muttered and sipped on his tea.

"But you weren't bad either, Doc. I caught you snogging Rose quite a few times."

The Doctor glared at him. "I don't even want to think about that... Throwing bananas away, loving Jackie and her food, becoming a couch potato and utterly domestic... Not to mention, that I acted like a horny human and wanted to shag Rose all the time! Terrible!" Noticing neither Rose's sad face, nor Jack's hand gestures which told him to stop, he continued. "I would rather forget everything."

Rose, now having tears inside her eyes, quickly stood up and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the Doctor utterly bewildered. "W-What's wrong with her?"

"For being the smartest man in the universe, you tend to be utterly stupid at times, Doc. Think about what you said... You just told her that the thought of shagging her is utterly repulsive."

The Time Lord's eyes widened. "But it's not! I don't think Rose is repulsive at all!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me that but _her_! Hurry up and follow her!"

The Doctor jumped up, threw his chair over in the process and ran after Rose.

Jack sighed. "Maybe in another three hundred years, he will finally understand a woman's heart... Although... nah, probably not."

~*~

The Doctor nearly searched the whole TARDIS (which meant something) until he found her in the LIBRARY.

Rose sat in one of the comfortable arm chairs and hugged her knees. Not knowing if she was crying or not, the Doctor said tentatively, "Rose?"

"What do you want?" she asked and he sighed in relief. At least her voice sounded normal.

"What I said just now, I didn't-"

"I don't want to talk about it," she interrupted him.

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Rose repeated. "I'm only going to feel like a stupid ape again..."

"Rose, look at me."

"No."

"Rose!" The Doctor took hold of her shoulders and pressed her into the chair, forcing her head to leave the hiding place between her knees. Her face was now in front of him but she still refused to look into his eyes. "Look at me!" the Doctor repeated and like the oncoming storm he was, Rose was unable to refuse his demand. Glaring, she looked into his eyes but her anger vanished at once when she saw the hurt in them.

"I didn't mean it like that," the Time Lord said in an anguished voice. "What I meant was, that the change I went through was terrible. It was like my body acted on his own account and I couldn't do anything about it."

"You didn't want to kiss me..." Rose whispered, looking at her lap again.

"No! I mean yes, I didn't but..." The Doctor groaned in frustration. "Why does this emotional stuff have to be so complicated?!"

When Rose neither said something nor moved, he continued, "I cornered you, Rose. In a way, I forced myself on you... I don't even want to imagine, what would have happened, if the venom spread further... Right before we freed the prisoners, I _threatened _you. Of course, I didn't want to do that. I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so, so sorry."

Now, she looked up and smiled weakly at him. Her eyes were still shining with tears. "Don't apologise. I'm the one who should be sorry... You were being influence, I still... I didn't resist enough. It must have been terrible for you... kissing a friend, you aren't even attracted to."

The Doctor gaped at her. "You really think that?!" He groaned loudly, stepped back from the chair and turned around.

Pacing up and down in front of her, he muttered, "Stupid little humans... so complicated... Why can't they just... Arg!"

He stopped to looked into her eyes and went over to her.

"Just one way you understand..." He took her face in both of his hands and leaned down to put his lips to hers.

Rose's eyes widened in shock, when he kissed her but quickly melt into the kiss. The Doctor's tongue pleaded entrance to her mouth and Rose was more than happy to grant it. They kissed several minutes until Rose broke the kiss.

"So... you don't find me repulsive?" she asked after catching her breath.

The Doctor grinned manically. "If you still have to ask, I should probably find another way to convince you." He moved his head to her ear and whispered, "I remember everything and you wanted to give it a try... more than a try. Not to forget the promise, you gave me... We are back inside the TARDIS and I _think_, we have something to finish."

Rose blushed, but grinned at him, tongue between her teeth. "I'm always one to keep my promises... You trust me then?"

"Always."

~*~

Several hours later...

"Rose, I know you are in there!" Jack said, knocking at the Doctor's bedroom. When he got no answer, he continued, "Look, I found the place, where you hid my... _toys_ and there are a few things missing."

He sighed, when he heard a buzzing sound and giggling out of the room. "Alright, already. But don't forget to clean the Shagmaster 5000! He is pretty sensitive! Oh, and if you also use the Nookie Nine, don't press the-" Hearing suddenly a loud groan, Jack shook his head. "Nevermind, then. Carry on!"

He went to his own room and thought that at least for tonight, he might have to join the Order of the Wanker.

~*~

Thanks for reading :)


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